Keeping it simple

There is no feeling quite like the feeling of success.

I can remember the feeling of success when I completed my undergraduate degree; which translated into three years of studying every single day from 9am til 9pm, sometimes even later, in order to get the end result of a first class honours degree. From this experience I learnt that nothing is worth diminishing our health over. Nothing is worth poisoning ourselves into a pit of stress, anxiety, and personal chaos. Throughout this period of my life I was committed to reaching given academic targets, breaking company records, beating personal bests and fighting my way up the academic chain. During this period of my life there were moments where I allowed others to cause me to react emotionally, especially with frustration and anger.

An ancient Chinese proverb states:

'The person who can manage themselves, is an individual who is fit enough to govern a nation.'

I would sit in my room at University Court, Aldershot Road and Manor Park looking out of the window watching the beauty of the sun rises over large swathes of Guildford, catching the wisps of smoke rising up from various buildings as people began their day. During these times I would be dazed with triumph and the sheer elation of passing various modules. I would use moments like these to unwind. Scenes from the past few hours would pass through my mind a long with things I could have done better, things I had got bang on and things I had failed miserably. If I had achieved my objective I didn’t see much point in spending too much time reflecting upon recent events. The job was done, I had processed it, and I would never have to revisit it again. It was pure freedom for me. Self loathing and self recrimination were something I didn’t tolerate back in my undergraduate days - what did help was adopting a positive mindset, trying to work out where I at times went wrong so that I didn’t make the same mistake again. It’s not an automatic process and required some effort to dig deep down to find the positives.

Although we all have different interpretations of what a work life balance looks like, most people in principle, share a similar idea of what life balance means; this is to have available time for doing the things we're passionate about, outside of a work focused environment. For me, life balance is about spending more time with family, more time available to dedicate to self improvement, and having more time at the gym to get my body into better shape. In 2015, when I picked up my autism diagnosis, I experienced a great flash of personal insight, a moment of truth that in hindsight probably changed the course of my life, forever. I learnt a lasting lesson that completely transformed my perspective on life.

As I start my PhD I am trying to understand just how the healthcare system in the UK has become so complicated and confusing that I spend half of my time trying to figure out the distractions that there is no space for anything else. Most people assume that radical changes need to be made, but this is seldom true. Radical changes often take time and can be difficult to implement. According to my psychiatrist, the mantra "one step at a time" applies because making minor adjustments can end up having a huge long term impact.

I’ve had to simplify my life in recent years into work life and family life. When I go to work I am in full work mode. One thing that nearly always triggers negativity in me at work is being forced to do something that doesn't sit right with me. I know some of you may think of me as a control freak, however I have learnt from life experience that it is best to control what you can control and let go of what you cannot control. It's a simple concept that is so important to me. I have learnt that at times you need to take a leap - you need to divide your time between a day job and a bit on the side. The inherent challenge with this, so I've learnt, is that you end up no-where; in other words you end up in the grey area where you are not properly committed to either activity and both will suffer. Therefore I have come to the conclusion that it has been far better to throw my heart and soul into my new business. There is always risk but clarity and simplicity also have the potential to bring amazing rewards. When I get back home I am in full husband mode. As soon as I get home and close the front door, that’s it, work doesn’t exist anymore. No grey area, no conflict. As far as I'm concerned, anything I do that diverts my attention and energy away from either my career or family is something I should look at cutting out because I know it will end up having a negative impact.

My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.