Principles of Personal Vision [Part 1]

Being proactive

Knowledge

I’ve been reading biology and chemistry books recently and one thing that has come to mind is that animals do not possess the ability to create self awareness. This self awareness is the ability to think about our very thought processes. It’s the reason why human beings are dominant on this planet, because we can evaluate others perspectives as well as our own. This is how we can make or break our habits. It’s how society makes progress from one generation to the other.

We can think about our feelings, emotions and thoughts but animals cannot do this which is what separates us from the animal world. Over recent years I have learnt the art of self awareness; it has affected not just my attitudes and behaviours but how I see other people (and hopefully how other people see me). Until I was able to take my thoughts and the thoughts of others into account, everything remained objective, and this limited my ability to relate to others as well.

I find the social mirror an interesting concept of autism because others tend to mirror the opinions, perceptions and paradigms of those with high functioning autism or Aspergers syndrome. However, having said this, I have had things projected onto me in the past such as:

You eat like a horse! I can’t believe you won!

This is so simple, why don’t you understand.

I have often found that these views seem disjointed and/or blown out of proportion. They tend to be more projections rather than reflections, thus projecting the character weaknesses of people giving the input rather than accurately reflecting on who we are.

Over the years I became conditioned to the conditions of academia and it has had tremendous power over my life to the extent that I have often felt determined by it. It has often felt as though I have no control over that influence which has messed with the inbuilt map and my way through my journey.

Looking back at the family tree has shown genetic influences that have arisen from my grandparents. That’s why I’m usually so reserved; it’s in my DNA. It’s gone through the generations and I have inherited that trait. In addition I am partly Irish; again that’s because it has traveled through the generations. My upbringing and childhood tendencies have essentially laid out my character which is why I’m (sometimes) afraid of performing in front of a group. I’m afraid of making mistakes because of how loosing mum created an emotional script when I was very vulnerable, tender and dependent. I can vividly remember the punishments, the rejections and comparisons with other people when I didn’t perform as well as others. The environment has also had its impact on my thoughts, feelings and perceptions - my previous boss essentially fired me from my last job on the grounds of Aspergers Syndrome which initially created a dire economic situation. Having set up my own company I am now exposed to the wider environment of national policies but try to steer the ship in a proactive way rather than reacting to politics all the time.

The basic idea is that we are all conditioned to respond in a particular way.

One of the strengths of my conditioning was the habit of proactivity. I had to learn at an early age how to be responsible with my life. Where I am today is the functions of my behaviour and early life conditions. Studying for my GCSEs, A Levels and University exams has been a conscious choice, based on values that have been consciously developed from a young age. Whether it has rained or shined I have always studied hard for my exams. Don’t get me wrong I have been exposed to environmental stimuli, social stimuli and psychological stimuli, but I have always made the conscientious effort to study hard for my exams. Essentially I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.

Hopefully what happened to me will help inspire others because of the way I chose to respond to the stimuli. Things have hurt me physically and economically which in turn caused periods of sorrow, but my basic identity, one of strength has shown resilience. Difficult periods have strengthened my character and will hopefully make me a much stronger person in the future. I think we have all known people in difficult circumstances who maintain significant emotional strength.

There are 3 types of values that crop up in my life and these include the experiential experiences; those which have happened to me; my creativity and social imagination which is what I have tried to bring into existence, and my responses, usually under a great deal of pressure. Difficult experiences have in effect shifted my perspective on life to a whole new frame of reference by which I see the world and others in it, and what life is asking of them.

Skill

Another important thing I have learnt over the years is that of taking the initiative, acting rather than waiting to be acted upon. Setting up my own business has allowed me to create my own set of financial circumstances; which is interesting because whilst it does not entitle me to be pushy, obnoxious or aggressive, I still have responsibility to make things happen. I have learnt that if I want a better job to show more initiative and take more of an interest in the industry and even the specific problems that organisations face, and then to create an effective presentation to show just how my organisation can help solve that problem. I have noticed that many people wait for something to happen or for someone else to take care of them, but the people, such as me, who end up setting up their own limited company, are the ones who are proactive and can find solutions to their own problems.

Tutoring has reminded me of the difference in reactive Vs proactive language. The problem with reactive language is that it very quickly becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. I have learnt to listen to the language that I use and that other people use. By taking responsibility I have learnt to be more in control, in charge of my life and my destiny. I’ve learnt to recognise situations as they might occur and to respond proactively. As a result my immediate areas of concern have become my life, my health and my family and friends social network. Outside of my immediate areas of concern are society, the national debt and war. The nature of things I have control over is more important than the nature of things I do not have control over. I have learnt through tutoring to focus on the strengths of other people, not just their weaknesses, not to focus on problems in the environment or circumstances over which I have no control. I have learnt through tutoring that focusing on anything but those things just increases feelings of inadequacy, helplessness and dependence. By being proactive I have been more able to handle traffic jams, make and keep commitments, respond better to an irate customer and handle disobedient children.

Desire

At the very heart of tutoring is the ability to create commitments and promises. The commitments I make to myself and those of others, and my integrity to honour those commitments is the essence and clearest manifestation of my proactivity. Tutoring for me has been the essence of growth and has enabled me to become aware of my own academic weaknesses, areas for improvement, areas of talent that could be developed - these predominantly sit in the natural sciences which once complete should make me more of a well rounded scientific individual. Likewise, the agreements that our students make puts them in control of their life such that they can set a goal and achieve it. I’ve realised from my own past that making small commitments develops a sense of inner integrity that gives us the awareness of self control.

Knowledge, skill and desire are therefore all within our control.