Listening

Over the past few years of taking aripiprazole I have realised that the deepest and most effective listening occurs when minds are free of distractions and we are there, in the moment, for the other person. The paragraphs below describe the different levels of listening.

Non-listening or Listening to Tell My Story

Unfortunately, most of us have been on the receiving end of the lower levels of listening. There are times when the person you are talking to simply isn't listening, or is obviously just waiting for you to take a breath so that they can jump in and tell you their story. Clearly, this type of listening isn't helpful to anyone.

Listening to Judge or Evaluate

At this level the listener's thinking process is caught up in disagreement or agreement and comparing what is heard to beliefs, past experiences, pre-conceived conclusions or expectations. The listener's thoughts are steeped in memory and the listener cannot be there in the moment. They may have an emotional reaction to, or judgement about, the content of the person's words, rather than being attuned to the message behind the words.

Listening to Understand

In this state, a person's level of being there in the moment enables them to hear the entire message, understand the other person beyond the words being spoken and gain insight and perspective about the person's state of mind.

I've learnt that the three keys to living a more fulfilling, productive life are understanding, awareness and acceptance. It is important to understand that when we are there in the moment, we are not controlled by the situations that we find ourselves, we can be in the most stressful situations, surrounded by distractions, but as long as we are present in the moment, the quality of our thinking will stay high and intact, allowing us to maintain our bearings and make sensible decisions.

Being in the moment means we are insightful, creative or even brilliant because our minds are freed of the distractions that pull us out of the present moment. This allows us to get the most out of every moment. If I was to characterise the distracting thoughts we experience in our lives, they would tend to fall into one of four categories:

• Thoughts, worries or concerns about the future

• Guilt or regret about events in the past

• Ego or image issues about how "I" might be showing up

• Thoughts about how we fit into our surroundings and the environment we live in - our culture, family or origin.

During times of change, we tend to experience the most distraction. All these thoughts tend to take us out of the present and our effectiveness diminishes at a time when we need to be at our best. To the degree we can quiet our minds and minimize these distractions, the quality of our experience and the quality of our effectiveness improves. One way to think about change is as a tornado. Although the tornado itself is an explosive force of swirling energy and chaos, the centre of the tornado is always calm and serene. The term used by meteorologists to describe the centre of the tornado is "the eye of the storm".

The more we can see our thoughts for what they are - just distractions - the better we are able to minimize their power over us.