Maturity and Character

You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.

I've realised that the only thing I have control over in life is how I choose to respond and react to situations in life. For me, life is lived inside out, not outside in. My emotional and mental well being isn't the result of the things that happen to us in the outside world; this is why it is important for me to become aware of the extent of the choices we have on a minute by minute basis. I like to invite peace and quiet into my life because it forces me into a state of awareness and reflection.

I have in the past had a tendency to use avoidance strategies; but have since realised that the only way that problems can be resolved is if I own them and learn how to deal with them in the most effective way; through being mindful of our responsibility and the choices we have. This is how I have started to grow and mature in life responding to the external environment.

When it comes to maturity and character, having a deeper awareness of my current choices means I can progress being more aware of the decisions I make in the future and how that can impact on my way of living. In my present state of mind I have a tendency to pass the buck onto someone else, however, I do take full responsibility for filling the gaps in my knowledge. By understanding the situations that lead me into procrastination, I have become more aware of why it is happening. Often it's on those important tasks that mean something. My avoidance tends to be related to my fear of not being able to complete the task to the standard I have set for myself. I have also found that I procrastinate when I don't want to do something that I find boring, or when I'm not sure what benefit I am going to get out of something. An example of a decision I made with a less than desirable outcome is when I resigned from a job without another job to go to. I have a tendency to procrastinate finding a new job. I fear making the wrong decision because of the longer term repercussions; especially when a financial commitment is involved. Indecisiveness and procrastination represents a lack of trust within myself and my own judgement. I have in the past often felt that I need my colleagues to like me in order to feel loved or valued. Fear of being the odd one out, coupled with the belief that agreeing to someones perspective will make the person like me, can prevent me from speaking up and expressing an alternative view. I know from experience that this limiting belief can lead to burnout for those who don't speak up. Another example is when something isn't perfect, I often find myself asking for more time before I share. This, I feel, has lead to negative effects such as depression and anxiety.

You must be the change you want to see in the world.

When asked whether I embrace challenge and look for ways to grow and develop myself, in the past I have been more inclined to stay in my comfort zone and shy away from change. I could improve many areas of my life by listening to other peoples perspectives, contributing more, and offering to do things for other people out of a want rather than an obligation. Furthermore, when asked if I am completely honest with myself and others in all areas of my life, it comes to light that I have sometimes put up a barrier to myself, especially in regard to what career I am best suited to vs what I actually want to do. I've not always been honest with myself about the amount of responsibility I need to take to improve my life; nor have I been fully honest with myself about how my upbringing has affected me.