Supporting and Limiting beliefs

I think it would be fair for me to say that most of us are wanting to grow personally and professionally in our lives - as each new year passes we set aside some time to establish brand new objectives and things we want to achieve. Willpower is essential but it is not uncommon to arrive at a point where our motivation drops off and our plans loose their luster. I have learnt in the last few years that what we do achieve and what we don't achieve are either supported or limited by the beliefs and attitudes we adopt. To be honest, the one thing today that stops me from achieving what I want to achieve is the story that I happen to keep telling myself - about my childhood. Limiting beliefs are thoughts and opinions that one believes to be the absolute truth - I have them and they tend to have a negative impact on my life by stopping me from moving forward and growing on a personal and professional level. For me, these limiting beliefs act as an inbuilt defence mechanism to help me avoid vibrating at lower level emotions (e.g. frustration, anger, sadness).

One of the ways in which limiting beliefs have affected me is through conformism - conforming for years of my life to the way in which the education system wants us all to be like. Conformism is defined as a type of social influence involving a change in belief or behaviour in order to fit in with a group. This is usually in response to real or imagined group pressure. Another way in which limiting beliefs have affected me is through overthinking - a bad habit I have whereby the bizarre thoughts I have sometimes contradict each other. This was evidential throughout my academic years where some of the subjects I chose appear to have contradicted each other. Also, my limiting beliefs have had far reaching consequences impacting upon relationships, job-performance, self-esteem, physical health, and even my religious outlook on life.

A typical limiting belief and accompanying thought I usually have is whether or not someone likes me - and if the real or imagined answer to that is no, I often start blaming myself for things I didn't do or I spend my time worrying about scenarios that may or may not happen. Another example of overthinking is telling myself that I am not a morning person, and as a result I have quite often found myself ending up as being 'not a morning person'. In the last 12 months I have however proven to myself that overthinking elevates my stress levels, reduces my creativity, clouds my judgement and strips me of my power to make decisions. The solution to this has been through the wonders of sertraline and aripiprazole medication, as such I have found myself in a position of power, which have enabled me to be more in charge of my emotions, enabling me to think more clearly and become a better decision maker.

My wife will tell you that another bad habit of mine is thinking too much about the past - however the one positive I have learnt from the past is an underlying autism diagnosis, which has enabled me to extract meaning and a new perspective on life. Seeking early medical help for depression and childhood trauma freed me from these perceived burdens, mistakes or grudges that have stopped me from taking action in the present. Learning to let go of the past has been one of my biggest life challenges because its just so easy to slip back into the habit of rumination. This is essential as it clears up the mental space that was occupied by overthinking it. Within my new perspective on life comes journaling - research has shown that writing things down helps with cognitive thinking - so I have done just that, set up a blog, and bought myself a private and confidential journal to list all those things I am grateful for. For me, the past doesn't matter anymore (although I readily admit that I have to keep telling myself this) and the future is out of reach - so what matters is NOW. I have learnt through coming out the other side of depression that when I find myself worrying, I must take a minute or two to think things over. Worrying about bills doesn't help anyone however what does matter is creating new revenue streams. I would be interested in hearing peoples perspectives on whether you would like to subscribe to a paid blog on the topic of science?

Identifying my irrational fears has helped me identify times when I overthink. I have learnt not to worry about what other people think, not to worry about making mistakes, and not being good enough to succeed. Living in fear just results in lack of decision making so one of the strategies I have come up with is to take some form of action against a particular fear as and when they crop up. I have recognised that the moment I have taken action is the moment I've won a battle with overthinking. To stop overthinking in its tracks I have taken steps to address the problems at hand - overthinking - and created solutions to help stop me overthinking. Another of those strategies that surprisingly works is to be open and share my thinking by way of this blog. Work, has in the past caused both stress and stagnation and I have had to make the shift away from business back into education where I feel more confident and in control. Speaking up and speaking out saying "no!" was unpopular but I was burnt out and scared - actually, in hindsight, speaking out stopped the whole team from appearing blind and instead helped others to work towards a better solution. However, one of the challenges with doing a PhD is avoiding getting stuck in the same place, spinning around in the carousel of my thoughts, eluding forward movement. Similarly, it is also interesting to note that perfectionism is starting to creep in and I often find myself in a position where I am thinking "it's not perfect, I need more time before I share". I've learnt in the past that this can backfire with depression and also it slows the whole team down.

One of the benefits of moving to Surrey has allowed me to spend more time in nature - this makes me feel calmer, sharper and more secure. Going on walks with my wife and friends allows me to spend more time in green spaces that puts me in a meditative and reflective state. Exercise at the gym is another strategy that helps with loosening up the thoughts associated with overthinking. However a bad habit that I am trying my best to work on is unplugging from devices and playing the piano instead. This has taught me (ironically) that the sound of silence and solitude are often the keys to my success.

Ultimately, the strategy that appears to be winning is to take time to identify limiting beliefs that stop us from achieving our dreams and everyday goals, and reframe it into something more positive that helps you to move forward.

Be the change you want to see in the world.